This is my first post, I doubt anyone will actually read this (but its nice to pretend). So I have decided to remain anonymous, new email account, no names. I think considering I am going to be posting opinions, it’s best to remain anonoymous or my views are most likely going to be devalued more. If I am unknown then you can actually THINK about what I say rather than spouting hate based on gender, skin colour or class.

As I sit here with a fresh mug of coffee, I hope this will be something good for me. In the real world, I tend to keep views and opinions to myself so it will be nice to speak for once. Maybe this will even give me the confindence to speak out in person.

If anyone is reading this, have a good day/night! – Hidden Shadows

Lifestyle · Writing

What it’s like to write a book

When I was 16 years old I had an idea for a story. I began to obsess over it. I would put my headphones in and as my music played I would imagine the characters in my head. I’d think about what they’re doing, how the characters would meet and work together.

So I began to write down my thoughts. Now almost 4 years later, I’m no closer to finishing it.

I have hundreds of word documents with different sections of the story. For a moment you finnally think you’re making progress, then you get an idea or decide you don’t like something you wrote. So now, the entire story has to be changed to fit around new details. 

I never thought it would be so hard or consuming! 

My characters feel real! I think about them all the time. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I just have a pressing need to write about them. Sometimes I can’t type fast enough, I want the words down. My hands cramp but I still want to write. I begin to understand why authors kill of some characters, sometimes someone needs to die. I feel the pain I feel when I read other books. I stop and think, why am I doing this but I know it needs to happen. I cry about the people I habe made. They have emotions, lives and history. To me they feel real. They are a part of my life. 

It’s hard to describe. It’s so much harder than I thought but don’t let this put you off. I can’t describe how amazing it feels to finish a chapter. To see your characters develop and start to become something solid. To see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I don’t tell people about my writing. I find people judge until you make it then they act proud.

It is super rewarding. Follow your dreams and don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you love. 

-Hidden Shadows


UPDATE: The love we have for our pets

My missing baby Oscar has been found! He is home.

I felt an overwhelming urge to check out my window to see if he was there. I see my black and white cat Oreo by the barbeque sniffing and there he is…oscar. Sitting under the barbeque.

I never ran out so fast, picked him up and burst into tears. I never thought I’d see him again.

His paws are green, like he’s been walking in grass. His fur has a greasy feel to it and he is sleeping so I think he has been lost rather than being kept in a house.

It’s been windy, raining and cold and I honestly thought the worst.

I kept hoping. Weirdly I was reading people’s stories last night about their missing cats and the majority said “three days-” so to get to sleep I kept saying he will be back tomorrow. And he is!

I am overjoyed.

If someone did have him, then…ugh. I’m really possessive, hate the thought of him being someone elses, he’s mine bitch!

Getting another collar for the 100th time. I am so happy. I just felt the need to tell everyone! 🙂 

*sobs with happiness.*

-Hidden Shadows 

Experience · Pets

The love we have for our pets

Since 2010 I have had 6 cats.





Oreo, and


We got stripes and Oscar together. They’re siblings. Stripes had kittens, patch and binx, aswell as Mini who my sister took. 

Binx was sadly killed by a car. So when Mini had kittens we gladly took one (Oreo).

Then all of a sudden, Stripes died. No cause. Lying in her bed. She was only 7 years old. Heart breaking but I’m glad she was at home. So then we got Luna.

Oscar is my cat. Luna is my little sisters and the rest are both of ours. Oscar is my baby. I don’t care what people say. When I go to my room, when I am at my lowest points crying myself to sleep, he is always there.

Now, it’s been over 24 hours since I last saw him. He’s never done this before. I fear the worst and it breaks my heart. I lie in my bed with tears streaming silently down my face hoping to hear his cry outside. 


I’ve never loved a pet more than Oscar. He is my own. My little baby. So when Binx and Stripes died, I cried for days but this feels so much worse.

I can’t describe how much it pains me. It’s even worse not knowing. Not knowing where he is, if he’s alive…nothing.

I don’t know why I decided to write this, but I just wanted to write down and I thought…why not here.

I broke down infront of family today, it’s setting in that I may never see him again. Never know what happened to him…

I used to see people post their “Missing pet” posters. I didn’t think much about them. Now, I feel what they felt. The pain in your chest that doesn’t go away no matter how much you cry.

He’s a cat, but he’s family. His loss is like losing part of myself. He had my pwrsonality, slept in the blanket against me. Ran to me, met me in the street on my way home and…he annoyed the crap out of me with his cries to get out the house.

What I would do to hear him cry now. 

A lot of people don’t understand the love we have for our pets. They ARE family and their loss is felt…

Hopefully I hear some good news soon, I’m hoping he just ran off for a break as the new kitten follows him around the house all day. All I can do is hope for the best…

Thanks if you stuck around to read this meaningless post 🙂

-Hidden Shadows

Makeup · Skincare

To Prime or NOT to Prime

Some people swear by primer and others don’t believe in its use at all! So what is it? Do we splurge a little extra and add another step to our makeup routine or do we skip it all together? Well I am going to give you suggestions and advice from my own personal experience. 

*What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. You honestly just need to test it yourself but hopefully this post will help speed up this process for you 🙂 *

The first step you should ALWAYS have for your makeup routine is MOISTURISER! Whether you have oily, dry, normal or acne…you still need to moisturise.

There is a thing I hear a lot “Moisturising will reduce how much oil you produce.” I have oily skin and acne and I do not believe this claim. However, using moisturiser doesnt increase the oil on my skin. 

What this step does is ensure your face is smooth and preped for makeup…but isn’t this what primer is supposed to do?

Primer can be really cheap, or really expensive so is it really worth buying them when a cheap moisturiser can do the job for you?

With my oily skin I have tried a good amount of primers including Milk of Magnesia (MoM), so continue reading for my opinions on each 🙂

Milk or Magnesia

If you have oily skin like me, MoM (the PLAIN one NOT flavoured) may be a holy grail for you. It keeps oil at bay and I was matte basically all day! However, I do not use it anymore as 1. We don’t know the long term affects magnesia could have on our skin. Especially being worn all day. 2. The white finish it gave my face made me have to work harder to cover it with foundation. 3. It sometimes made my foundation patchy. 

Overall, the cons outweighed the benefits for me so I do not recommend. It’s also difficult to get in the UK, so you will have to buy abroad and it can get a little pricey. 

And hey, it doesn’t look too great having a laxative on your makeup table haha.

Benefit Porefessional

I’m going to cut to the chase with this one. OVER RATED. Maybe I just don’t have big pores thst need filling but I definitely didn’t find any ‘benefit’ from using it. I just don’t understand the hype…

It has a slight tint to it but it blends away so pale or dark skin, you don’t need to worry, the colour will dissapear. It does have a silky feel to it, so this can help make a smooth base for your foundation to go onto. Smoothing…though again just having. A good moisturising ritual can do this for you…

It’s £26…I could get myself a decent foundation for this price. I don’t think it’s worth it honestly. 

Smashbox Photo Finish

Again, straight to the point. I wouldn’t buy it again. 

It gave me a nice smooth base to work with, again I’m going to say a moisturiser will do this. I found I got oily as fast as usual, or maybe even faster…

It was so hyped so I was disappointed to see it didn’t work for me. My foundation didn’t last any longer. It just didn’t do anything for me really.

Again it may have worked for some others and it may just be my skin. So if you really want to give it a try, go for it. Though it is pricey at £26. You could just buy a really decent moisturiser that will benefit your skin more.
I do want to try the green one though. They sell several colours. Green cancels out red therefore it should cancel out my acne redness. So I will be looking to buy that sometime in the future though I am not hopeful it will work. 

L’oreal Magic Perfecting Base

I…loved this. It mattified my skin and I loved it. However, this was before I used moisturiser and it was a few years ago because sadly my local boots doesnt have it anymore! I never thought to look anywhere else for it or order it online but from what I can remember it was good

It is thick, and I would use my finger to scoop it out of the pot. It lasted a long time and I went through two pots, so something must have been good! 

If you can find it I definetly recommend! Though I feel like it wouldn’t be as great for dry skin. So I recommend you definetly moisturise, leave to soak in for 10 minutes then do the primer. I recommend this for everyone but especially those with dry skin!

No7 Beautifully matte 😦 discontinued

This was my all time favourite. It was super thick, and reminded me of MoM as if you didn’t blend enough it would leave some white on my skin. I had to make sure to blend it or it would cause so many problems. From uneven foundation to patches where mg makeup would stick more than in other places.

But it controlled my oil and was much easier to use than MoM. Sadly…it was discontinued as with everything I love. Typical isn’t it. 

I do hope this helps a little. My overall conclusion is that primers just aren’t worth it and unless you’re having some trouble with your makeup such as pores or it not lasting as long as you want then I definetly recommend checking out some primers. They may work for you! However, for the majority of us, even those with oily skin…we can get away with no primer. Its a waste of money in most cases. 

My current go to moisturiser: try and get something with SPF as it will really benefit your skin in the future by protecting it from the sun 🙂 Don’t skip MOISTURISER!

-Hidden Shadows

Makeup · Skincare

Foundation: Pale Skin and Full coverage

Foundations are such a pain in the ass. Too light, too dark, too pink, too yellow. So many things to think about before buying a foundation.

This is especially difficult for people with pale or dark skin as the majority of companies only make shades for the majority to save money.

The lightest shades are very often not light at all, and usually tend to be orange. Then when you do find a light shade, you find it’s the wrong undertone. (Its cheaper to make pink undertones than yellow).

So here are my suggestions. These will be medium-full coverage foundations, I hope they help.

Drugstore brand: Revlon colourstay £12.99

I have acne and oily skin, and this was my holy grail foundation for years. The lightest shade is ivory, it has pink undertones and sadly my undertones are yellow-neutral. So I had to use the next shade up which is Buff. I found it covered my acne to a standard I liked and looked good even with my oily skin. It looked more dewy by the end of the day rather than a frying pan.

It lasted me a 9 hour day out and about, I didn’t blot and maybe if I did it would have lasted longer. It comes in oily to combination form and dry to normal. So whatever your skin type this would be a great foundation for you. I did once accidently buy the normal to dry form and I…hated it. Weirdly it was slightly thinner and I felt even the shade was a little off. The oily one has a thicker feel (in my opinion) and it felt like more coverage. 

It is the best drugstore foundation I have used. After 4+ hours there’s some slight break up on the crease of my nose, chin and under eyes which I get with most foundations. It isn’t noticeable though unless you look for it.

However, I have stopped using it as it oxodised (this is common for oily skin) so when I didn’t blend down my neck it was noticeable. If I ever need a quick foundation though, it is still on my list of best foundations to buy.

Mid-brand: Mac Studio Fix Fluid £23.50

This is my current foundation. For the longest time I used shade nc15. 

NC is neautral leaning yellow undertones.

NW is neutral leaning pink undertones

The smaller the number, the lighter the shade. I used Nc15 and went about a year without anyone telling me it was too dark for my skin. Bitches.

So I switched to NW10. (There was no NC10.) It was a good match, besides the pink undertone. But it was better than NC15. So that is what I used for a long time until *sobs with happiness* NC10 was released. This is my favourite foundation.

A lot of people don’t bug Mac because it “causes acne”. This is not true. A foundation can not cause acne for everyone. Yes, you may use it and it breaks you out, but it is different for everyone!

I have acne and it doesn’t break me out more or less. It covers my acne pretty well, though I have to use about 6 pumps (however I need this much for all foundations). I need a new bottle every 3 months, but if you have less severe acne then it will last you so much longer.

It matches beautifully to my skin. I did have trouble with it breaking up around my mouth. It looked terrible, creasing where I would smile and separating on my chin. However I have found this was due to the powder I was using :O. I used rimmel stay matte. And recently ran out so bought NO7 loose powder in translucent. My foundation looked flawless for so much longer and less cakey. I kept looking in the mirror I loved it so much. So powder is important!

*also like to add I don’t use primer. I do however moisturise with simple 30spf.* 

If you use primer make sure it’s leading ingredients are the same as your foundation. If your foundation is water based, use a water based primer or your foundation is going to break up like crazy.

High End: Estee Lauder Double Wear £32.50

I was matched to…desert beige. Oh my god. I looked insane. Returned it and I was then matched to Ecru. Still too dark. Then I took action myself. I bought cool bone. Too dark. Then I found shell (not available in USA) it has a pink undertone but it looked okay

Usually, people can use shades that look too dark but when blended on their faces it matches. However for me, because I have to build so much my face will look the shade of the foundation inside the bottle. If that makes sense.

I used all of 1c0 shell. Then for Christmas my mum bought me some as a gift in shade 1n1. This is a neautral shade and I finished all this and bought another! There was a mild demarcation line if I didn’t blend but I could handle it. It covered my acne in two layers using a beauty blender.  

One of my all time favourites. However, I can not afford this so often. I am a student after all haha.  However, Mac is the better shade match for me.

If you have oily skin, you make do what I do and bake the fuck out of your face with powder. This results in the dreaded cake face. I recommend using a good amount of mousturiser even if you have oily skin, then finish with a few (or in my case a bottle) of Mac prep and prime. It takes away a lot of the powder residue on the face 🙂

Hope this helped anyone

-Hidden Shadows

LGBTQ · Sexuality

Transgender People

I admit, I need to learn more so if I made some mistakes in this blog, please know that I don’t mean any offense. 

Trump has just announced that he is going to stop transgender men and women from being in the army. This is disgusting. There is no reason for this thst should be accepted. If a transgender person wants to be a service to the country then they should be allowed! It’s frankly outrages and I don’t understand how people can still stand by Trump. Obviously they lack any morality.

However, this post isn’t about Trump. I am very curious about something. Why do we refer to transgender people as, a trans man or trans woman?

If I was born a woman, knew I should be a man and did everything to get the body I wanted and belonged in then shouldn’t I simply be refered to as a man? Not a trans man.

We spend too much time making sex, gender and sexuality the main focus of someone but that shouldn’t be the case.

We shouldn’t be referring to people as “the gay best friend” or “my transgender friend.”

Why do these things have to dominate everything. We should be seeing people as human beings, their sexuality or being transgender doesn’t need to be the most interesting and talked about thing about them. We need to see the person, there is so much more to people than just those things. 

But do people prefer to be known as transgender? Again I hope this isn’t being offensive to anyone. Should it n it just be “I am a woman.” People don’t have to disclose that thay were born a different sex. I just think this would make it so much more inclusive rather than excluding people to being a trans woman rather than just a woman.

Does this make sense to you?

-Hidden Shadows 

Education · Experience · Lifestyle

What to expect at University

This is just a little blog on what to expect when you start university, I hope this helps some people as I was freaking out this time last year. (UK though I’m sure it’s the same experience around the world).

First week…expect to get lost because everyone does. The first week is a separate timetable, it’s all about introducing you into the university. Setting up your IT accounts, getting contact information for teachers, tours and picking up your ID.

If you manage to make a friend or more, that’s great. Honestly, you literally just have to be like, “okay if I hang with you?” It honestly works. If you’re a loner, don’t worry about that either, there are loads. Being a loner will probably be useful, you’ll be able to concentrate more.

Seminars and lectures

Seminars are compulsory! They take a register. You’re in a class of about 20-30 people. It’s kind of just like being in class at school. At my university we got told if we missed 1 seminar, we would get an email. If we missed 2, we would get a warning and if we missed 3 we would have a meeting and may be kicked off the course. It’s usually just to scare you. I missed A LOT and never got anything more than an email. You’ll do exam preparation in these lessons, course work assessment help and random other tasks to get you used to any programmes you may be using such as SPSS for psychology students. 


These are not compulsory. They say they may do random register checks, but they never do. They are huge rooms, just like you see on TV shows. Theatre like chairs with a table to write on. As you progress along the year you’ll notice the numbers of people turning up getting fewer and fewer. I skipped the majority of them, the ones I did go to I rarely took notes.


Boy do I regret not doing this. For the assignments they set E.G 2500 word essay on the nature vs nurture argument for people who commit crime. It’s easier to do these, you have books and Google (saviour!) and about a month to do it. Of course I left it till last minute every time.

With exams, they’re not so easy to get through. I turned up to one and thought “What-the-fuck?” It was multiple choice so I thought, easy yeah. I was so wrong. I think the only question I got right was that babies start to smile at 3-6 months haha.

Overall I got for each of my subjects:

First (the best, only just!)





Hey at least I didn’t get a third. But, if you get thirds throughout your first year don’t worry. The first year is basically just getting you used to everything. The grades you get will get you into the next to years, fail and you will have the chance to resit. However, if you only just manage to scrape through the year don’t worry. It won’t effect your final grade for your degree. The 1st year is basically meaningless when it comes to your degree. But it may be different for your course so don’t slack!

They usually have gyms, discount prices for students. Mine costs £100 for a full year…totally got my money’s worth 😆. Good to destress though.

The libraries usually have sections, quiet areas, group areas and books on every single topic. It’s a nice place to relax and normally have a cafe inside eith pretty decent food and drink. My university sells Costa Coffee 😏 at a good discount. 

Parking costs, if you’re driving plan what you’re doing. There’s usually university badges or passes you can buy for a term or year of parking on site. Other than thst you’re going to have to find somewhere which is probably just going to cost more and be a lot more difficult so you may as well just get university parking 🙂

It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. You learn your way around eventually. Making friends isn’t that important but it is a perk. Just pay attention, if you need help ask for it. Don’t stress, it doesnt help. Have a nice cup of tea and a good breakfast. Relax! Enjoy it!

-Hidden Shadows